COWS AND ECONOMICS

SOCIALISM: You have 2 cows and you give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks

the other, then throws the milk away.

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell your herd and retire

on the profit.

SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take

harmonica lessons.

AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one and force the other

to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyse

why the cow has dropped dead.

FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike, organise a riot

and block the roads because you want three cows.

JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are

one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.

GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live

for 100 years, eat once a month and milk themselves.

SPANISH CORPORATION: You have two cows but you don't know where they are.

You decide to have lunch.

ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows but you don’t know where they are. You decide to have a three hour lunch break followed by a siesta at your office desk.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have

five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them

again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another

bottle of vodka.

SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5,000 cows. None of them belong to you. You

charge the owners for storing them.

CHINESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have 30 people milking them.

You claim that you have full employment and high bovine productivity and

arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship them.

BRITISH CORPORATION: You have two cows. Both are mad.

IRAQI CORPORATION: Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them

that you have none. No-one believes you so they bomb the shit out of you and

invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least now you are a

Democracy.

WELSH CORPORATION : You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive.